Connections Corner Archives - Page 2 of 2

“Aiden and Ethan look like an ordinary pair of fraternal twin brothers,” writes Dr. Nancy Segal in her newest book, Gay Fathers, Twin Sons. But their story, as told by Segal, is far from ordinary. Their story is one that grabbed global headlines. Their story is one that stands as an inspiration for families who fear being divided.

Aiden and Ethan, now 6 years old, are heteopaternal twins. “Unlike most fraternal twins (and non-twin siblings) who share 50 percent of their genes, on average Aiden and Ethan share only about 25 percent,” explains Segal in her newest book. Genetically equivalent to half-siblings, both boys have the same anonymous egg donor, but not the same father. Both boys were carried by a surrogate in the same pregnancy.

Their unusual story is more than genetics, though. Their story actually begins with their parents, Andrew and Elad. Andrew Banks, a citizen of the United States with dual citizenship in Canada, and Elad Dash, a citizen of Israel, first saw each other in the overseas student office of Tel Aviv University in 2008. They dated for nearly two and a half years, then Andrew finally proposed by attaching an engagement bracelet as a collar around their dog’s neck. Segal interviewed many of their friends and learned that the two men “complete each other.” They were married in Canada in 2010. The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was the reason they married outside the United States.

Segal interviewed Andrew and Elad in order to tell their story firsthand. She also checked in with friends and family of the couple, gathering their memories and perspectives on Andrew and Elad’s amazing journey. The story that evolved is one of Andrew and Elad through the years, their struggles of growing up gay, one in the United States and one in Israel, and their efforts to build a life as a married couple, who then became parents of twins.

The story goes on to detail the legal proceedings that ensued when the couple went to the American Consulate in Toronto to apply for U.S. citizenship. A DNA test to determine the paternity of the twins was required, revealing news that Andrew and Elad already knew. Aiden was the biological son to Andrew, and Ethan was the biological son of Elad. That meant Aiden, as the son of a U.S. citizen, would be granted U.S. citizenship, but Ethan, who was the son of an Israeli citizen, would not. The ensuing lawsuit filed by Andrew and Elad nearly reached the U.S. Supreme Court, placing the fathers and their sons in a global spotlight along the way.

“Some names become headline news, but not because of an extraordinary accomplishment or exceptional skill,” Segal writes in the book. “This can happen unexpectedly, when a person’s life events do not align with what the law requires or what society demands.

“Without intention, some individuals leave a lasting mark on legal interpretation, social policy, and/or public awareness, easing the lives of those who come after them. Andrew Dvash-Banks is such a person,” Segal concludes. She also said that Elad’s experience and response to the challenge were equally noteworthy.

“Feeling insulted by the United States when they did not accept his son, Elad, together with Andrew, fought back …He [Elad] refused to take the easy way out, not just for his son Ethan, but for other desperate families who fear being divided.”

Gay Fathers, Twin Sons the Citizenship Case that Captured the World by Dr. Nancy Segal became available August 8. Published by Roman & Littlefield, the book is available through major book retailers.

Read a short preview of the book.

By Mary Adcock, Multiples of America President

This article is just one of many from our bi-monthly member publication, Multiple Connections. Each full issue is posted in the Members Only section of our website. If you are a member, log in using your Members Only password to browse through other issues. If you aren’t yet a member of Multiples of America, consider joining us through a local club or as an affiliate to access our newsletters and a wealth of other resources. Learn more

The Undeniable Connections Among Multiples

By Multiples of America

On October 10, 2023

In Connections Corner, Current Issue

The connection between multiples is unique, indeed. Multiple-birth children are a rare gift, and the connections that form are as varied, and sometimes as surprising, as the stories of how they came into this world.

Studies have shown that healthy marriages, friendships and social interactions can help people live longer, healthier lives. A new study indicates this close connection and emotional support also results in twins tending to live longer lives than singletons. The occurrence of female twins who live into their early 60s may be 10 percent higher than female singletons. In addition, identical twins seem to have a greater ability for a longer life than fraternal twins, while fraternal twins have higher odds of a long life than the general population.

While psychic powers have never been scientifically proven between any two humans (including twins), there is no doubt that two or more individuals — married couples, best friends, multiples and other siblings — who have shared common experiences form a special connection. These connections range from finishing each other’s sentences to claims of sensing each other’s pain. The connection is even stronger between individuals whose connection begins in utero, strengthens throughout childhood and lasts a lifetime.

Teresa Stacchiotti of Main Line (PA) Mothers of Multiples Club has twin girls who just turned two. “My girls twins have a special connection,” Teresa said. “When they are at school and hear a baby crying they look at each other to see if it’s the other one, to make sure the other is okay! If one cries, the other tries to comfort her by rubbing her back. They bring each other their water bottles and sometimes feed each other.”

A quick poll among members of my local club, Multiples of the Midlands (SC), led to some endearing anecdotes that prove connections begin at a very young age.

Bonnie Levkoff, mother of two-year-old boys, said “Hudson waited patiently for hours in the ER with Grayson when Grayson broke his toe. He wouldn’t leave Grayson’s side until we had to.”

Amy Ruple shared another hospital story: “When my boys were six months old, Logan had to spend a few nights in the hospital for a UTI. My mom and aunt stayed at my house with his twin brother Landon while my husband Robbie and I stayed at the hospital. Even though they were only babies you could tell they truly missed each other! Landon especially missed Logan and would fuss and cry until my mom showed him a picture of Logan on her phone, which made him smile.”
Lisa Woodring challenged her twin daughter Harper to find a new friend while at vacation bible school this summer. “Harper came home the first night beaming with pride. She told me, ‘Mom, we found a new friend!’ I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was speaking of just her, not her and her brother. She sees it no other way.”

Sometimes the connections can benefit the health of our multiples. Jeannie Grover has 18-month-old boy/girl twins. “My son has breath-holding spells,” Jeannie explained. “A few months ago, he got upset and was sitting on the floor crying hard. Adults were talking to him to calm him down, but it wasn’t working. I was worried he was about to go into a spell when his twin sister walked over and babbled something to him, and he completely stopped crying. The adults were all looking at each other and wishing we knew what she said to make him stop, because it’s often not easy to pull him out of it.”

Meghan Woods, also of Multiples of the Midlands, tried putting her twins in separate cribs when they came home from the hospital. “We learned quickly that if we wanted to sleep, they needed to be in a crib together. That is where their bond began!” Meghan said. “Their bond is something I have sat and watched in awe for almost 15 years. They have done everything together — soccer, dance and the same classroom through third grade.”

“Now they are in marching band together. My son did one year alone, but his twin sister joined Color Guard to be with him. I think she missed spending time with him. As much as they are individuals, they share a togetherness. Their bond was always there. I encouraged love, taking care of each other and fairness, and it just made their bond stronger.”

Looking for ways to strengthen the bond between your multiples? “I was advised by many friends who are adult twins that the best way to keep mine close is to sometimes keep them apart,” said Talyse Burkett of Multiples of the Midlands. “My twins have always been interested and involved in separate activities, so separating them in kindergarten was a natural decision for us. We were excited to see them make friends so quickly, and also secretly pleased to see that both found the child in their class most like their twin, and that child became their best friend for the year!”

The connections between and among our multiples is the biggest reminder of the special gift we have been given (no matter how/who/when/where or by whom they were conceived), and some days our greatest task as parents is simply to stand back in awe and watch the magic as it unfolds.

by Sara Barr
(originally published 2017)

This article is just one of many from our bi-monthly member publication, Multiple Connections. Each full issue is posted in the Members Only section of our website. If you are a member, log in using your Members Only password to browse through other issues. If you aren’t yet a member of Multiples of America, consider joining us through a local club or as an affiliate to access our newsletters and a wealth of other resources. Learn more

School Placement for Three or More

By Multiples of America

On September 20, 2023

In Connections Corner, Current Issue

Many Higher Order Multiples (HOM) parents have contacted Multiples of America over the years about a situation probably most HOM parents face: how to best place triplets, quads, etc., in classrooms and how to get the school administration on board.

The Covid 19 pandemic brought huge changes in the 2019-2020 academic year as practically overnight students and teachers (and parents) had to move to the virtual learning environment. This new academic year has presented continuing challenges, with parents needing to consider even more issues in advocating for the best educational strategy for each of their children. One of the chief concerns remains: will my multiples do better together in the same classroom, or will they have more room to grow if they are in separate classrooms?

Multiples of America now offers an updated, online edition of its resource booklet Placement of Multiple Birth Children in School: A Guide for Parents and Educators. This resource looks at the issues related to separating twins and HOMs in school settings and includes many conclusions from a variety of studies about educating multiple birth children. The booklet lays out the facts and research findings in an organized, professional way. Many families have told Multiples of America that when they have shown this book to their children’s principal, teacher or administrators, the educators were very impressed by the booklet’s information and willing to hear the parents’ reasons for a specific placement for their multiples.

As most HOM parents can probably predict, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for the best classroom situation for your multiples. Consider referring to Placement’s “10 Reasons to Separate Multiples in School” and “10 Reasons NOT to Separate Multiples in School.” Those two perspectives can help parents evaluate each of their children’s academic strengths and skills, as well as each child’s social and emotional outlook.

But what if you run into resistance from your school’s administration?

Here are some words of advice for any “Gripe to Goal” effort with your kids’ school, presented by author and twin mother Pam Novotny at a Multiples of America convention workshop some years ago.

Parents of multiples need to first identify what they want for their children and need to complete the following sentences:

My gripe is …
My real concern is …
What I am really wishing for is …
Therefore my goal is …

In this case, you want flexibility on classroom placement for your triplets, quads, or more. Next, you need to prepare for discussion about the goal with the school administration:

1) Investigate school policy. Is it in writing? If a written policy exists, find out if it is a teacher, principal, or district-wide policy. Call the school secretary to start the research process.

2) Talk to the teachers the kids’ have had up to now about each child’s classroom experience. What were strengths, areas that needed improving? How did each child interact with other kids and with each other?

3) Talk to your children. What are their ideas about being together and being apart?

4) Look for other information from professional researchers. Again, the Multiples of America booklet is a great guide.

5) Schedule an appointment to meet with the school administrators/teachers, whoever is in on the decision. Dress professionally (even for a virtual meeting!), bring an outline of what you want to discuss, have readily available any books or notes that support your position.

6) During the meeting, be pleasant and respectful. Tell them what you want. Stress that everyone at the meeting wants to make sure each child has the best, most productive educational experience possible. Present your concerns and suggestions; present the information that backs up your view.

7) If necessary, slow down the negotiating process by asking follow-up questions. What does the administrator fear about keeping your kids together (or separate)? What would it take to show the administrator that the kids are doing well in a situation? What kind of flexibility can be built into the decision (for instance, letting the kids eat lunch together, having a reading class together, etc.).

8) If you reach an agreement that satisfies you, get the decision in writing. You can always write a letter thanking the administrator for meeting with you and recapping what action or changes will be taking place.

9) If you’re not satisfied with the outcome, you can give the issue some time and come back again if you feel your kids need a different classroom situation, using the same steps above.

At a Triplet Connection convention some years ago, a quad mother talked about her experiences with her kids’ school, which were about as unsatisfactory as you could get. There were issues about speech therapy and learning disabilities, as well as classroom placement. She finally told the administrator she was talking to a lawyer because she felt the school was blaming the children for being siblings, and that got the administration’s attention. I don’t know that the “ultimatum” approach is more effective, but if you feel the administration is too heavy handed and not following the spirit of the educational district, it’s always an option.

We hope you will check out Placement in the Members Only section of the Multiples of America website multiplesofamerica.org!

by Jill Heink

This article is just one of many from our bi-monthly member publication, Multiple Connections. Each full issue is posted in the Members Only section of our website. If you are a member, log in using your Members Only password to browse through other issues. If you aren’t yet a member of Multiples of America, consider joining us through a local club or as an affiliate to access our newsletters and a wealth of other resources. Learn more

Offering a Surprise at Every Turn, Multiples Abound in Fiction

By Multiples of America

On September 20, 2023

In Connections Corner, Current Issue

Most of us know that Luke Skywalker’s twin sister is Princess Leia Organa, but did you know that Hello Kitty has a twin sister named Mimmy? Or that Mario and Luigi are fraternal twin brothers? Did you remember that Superman’s biological father Jor-El has an identical twin brother named Nim-El? Even Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard had a twin!

Stories of twins date back to Romulus and Remus of Roman mythology, as well as the Olympian god Ares and his twin sister Athena. Multiples in fiction have given us The Wonder Twins from Super Friends; Dr. Seuss’ Thing One and Thing Two; sweet Raggedy Ann and Andy; triplet chipmunks Alvin, Simon and Theodore; superheroes He-Man and She-Ra; the creepy Grady Girls from Stephen King’s The Shining; twin Transformers named Mudflap and Skids; and even Alice’s Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Sometimes the fact that a character has a twin isn’t central to the story’s plot, but it adds opportunities for twists and intrigue. A few of my favorites are Sheldon Cooper of the CBS television sitcom The Big Bang Theory and Lisbeth Salander in Stieg Larsson’s Millennium novel series.

Multiples are a source of fascination for fictional writers. They offer storytellers an ideal mechanism for presenting common yin-and-yang contrasts. Remember when Austin Powers discovered Dr. Evil was his twin brother? Funny stuff, but thankfully art doesn’t always imitate life.

LITERATURE

William Shakespeare is credited with some of the oldest twins in literature. In 1601, Shakespeare created Viola and Sebastian in Twelfth Night. Two sets of identical twins are central to the plot of mistaken identities in Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors.

Hansel and Gretel are often portrayed as twins, although it isn’t clear in the original tale by the Brothers Grimm published in 1812. Charles Dicken’s Nicholas Nickleby, published in 1838, featured identical twin brothers Charles and Ned Cheeryble who, as the name implies, offer a kindness and generosity that ensures Nicholas a happy ending.

J.R.R. Tolkien’s novels, including The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, feature a number of multiples. Another fantasy series is A Song of Ice and Fire by George Martin – its popularity led to the television adaptation Game of Thrones. Other popular novels involving multiples include the Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight saga, Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles and Pat Conroy’s The Prince of Tides.

Looking to young adult novels, we find identical twins Sam and Eric, featured in William Golding’s Lord of the Flies, who are so in sync they are known as Samneric. Jessica and Elizabeth are central characters in Francine Pascal’s Sweet Valley High series, which includes several hundred books written primarily by ghostwriters. The television series quickly became popular, as well as numerous other Sweet Valley book and TV spin-offs.

Popular twins Fred and George Weasley are found in the Harry Potter series. Born on April Fools’ Day, Fred and George are fun-loving yet trouble-making. A running joke throughout the novels (all made into movies, of course) is that they look so alike even their parents can’t tell them apart. Twins Padma and Parvati Patil are also J.K. Rowling’s creations.

Children’s books also feature plenty of adventurous multiples, including triplets Snipp, Snapp and Snurr and The O’Sullivan Twins. Erich Kastner’s 1949 novel Lottie and Lisa features twin sisters separated shortly after birth who, as teenagers, are reunited at summer camp and begin a quest to reunite their divorced parents (the basis for The Parent Trap Disney films).

One of the longest running series of children’s novels is The Bobbsey Twins written by Edward Stratemeyer under the pseudonym Laura Lee Hope. First published in 1904, the series had about 100 books to follow over the next 100 years. The books tell the adventures of a family with two sets of twins.

More recent novels with characters who are multiples include Liane Moriarty’s Three Wishes , Claire Fuller’s Unsettled Ground and Scott Turow’s Identical, among many others.

COMIC BOOKS

Comics have produced more twin tales than perhaps any other genre. Multiples found in comic books have included the Apocalypse Twins; Lightning Lass and Lightning Lad from planet Winath where twins are common; Northstar and his twin sister Aurora; as well as the mutant supervillanous Kleinstock triplets.

The list goes on to include Ferro Lad and his twin brother Douglas, members of the Legion of Super-Heroes; Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver of X-Men; Green Lantern’s boy-girl twins Jade and Obsidian; the Great Gambonnos, identical twin acrobats who work for the Circus of Crime; Billy and Tommy in WandaVision; and superheroine Mary Marvel, twin sister of Captain Marvel.

Let’s not forget these enemies of Spider-Man: two supervillains named Fusion who became a radioactive two-headed being after a nuclear accident. Luckily, both personalities remained intact and Spider-Man was eventually able to separate them.

Too many? We’re not done yet! The Collective Man is an identity shared by the Tao-Yu quintuplet brothers. They possess the mutant power to merge into one body and also share a psychic link that allows them to communicate telepathically.

TELEVISION

Twins Lance and Cally Stone believe their fates are set by a comic book – they are the main characters in the television series Dark Oracle. Skins offers twin sisters Emily and Katie; and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia gives us twins Dee and Dennis, and the new series Dead Ringers features twins. Niki Sanders one of three identical triplets on NBC’s Heroes. In the more later Heroes Reborn, Claire’s twin children Malina and Tommy team up to save the world.

Since identical twins share DNA, numerous crime dramas have used multiples for clever plot twists. You’ll find plenty of multiples in comedies as well: Phoebe Buffay from NBC’s sitcom Friends spun off from her identical twin sister’s character Ursula on Mad About You.

The Simpsons has a few multiple sets: Marge’s older sisters Patty and Selma Bouvier, and Bart’s classmates Sherri and Terri Mackleberry who are later revealed to have a third triplet.

Daytime soaps have given audiences plenty of multiples over the years, probably because they naturally add intrigue and interest. Too many to list here, but know that the characters are countless and plot twists are endless.

In the live-action sitcom Sabrina the Teenage Witch that began in 1996, Sabrina was an only child, but she had an evil twin (somehow by different parents) named Katrina Spellman. Background trivia: Sabrina actually debuted in the Archie’s Madhouse comic strip and also appeared in the Archie Comics’ animated series and TV sitcom.

Younger viewers can’t turn on the television without catching a set of multiples: from Liv & Maddie and The Suite Life of Zack & Cody to Dipper and Mabel Pines on Gravity Falls. And many of us remember Jesse and Becky’s twin sons on Full House, Nicky and Alex, who are all grown up on the series Fuller House.

For many decades, we’ve enjoyed Daisy Duck’s triplet nieces April, May and June, and Donald Duck’s triplet nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie. Current animated series include CatDog, Shimmer and Shine, The Powderpuff Girls who are triplets with superpowers, Princess Amber and Prince James on Sophia the First, Kim Possible’s younger twin brothers, twin steam locomotives in Thomas & Friends, Phil and Lil on Rugrats, and Dora the Exporer who has younger twin siblings.

FILM

A few adult comedies centered around multiples include Big Business, Twins and Stuck on You. Don’t forget the henchman twins in The Matrix Reloaded.

Many Disney movies feature multiples: The Bimbette triplets fawn over Gaston in Beauty and the Beast, Si and Am are twin Siamese cats in Lady and the Tramp, Flotsom and Jetsam are eel minions in The Little Mermaid, then Cloak and Daggar appear in The Little Mermaid II. Pixar offered identical triplet boys in Brave, twin Mazda Miatas Mia and Tia in Cars, and twin pill bugs Tuck and Roll in A Bug’s Life.

Disney has called multiples all sorts of annoyingly wonderful names, including triplets Fluffy, Muffy and Tuffy; twins Zin and Zang, triplets Ned, Jed and Fred; and the Twirley Twins named Chaz and Jaz.

Many of the situations fictional multiples find themselves in, thankfully, are far beyond the scope of reality. Soap operas have offered as many unrealistic plot twists as science fiction! No matter where we see them, or what their superpowers may be, both live action and animated multiples sure are fun to watch, aren’t they?

by Sara Barr
(originally published 2016, revised 2023)

This article is just one of many from our bi-monthly member publication, Multiple Connections. Each full issue is posted in the Members Only section of our website. If you are a member, log in using your Members Only password to browse through other issues. If you aren’t yet a member of Multiples of America, consider joining us through a local club or as an affiliate to access our newsletters and a wealth of other resources. Learn more.

Category: Connections Corner

Nancy Segal’s New Book Shares the Story that Grabbed Global Headlines

The Undeniable Connections Among Multiples

School Placement for Three or More

Offering a Surprise at Every Turn, Multiples Abound in Fiction