Postponing retirement, buying a larger house, trading in for a bigger car and becoming a stay-at-home parent — these are just a few of the plans that may change when parents discover they are having multiples instead of a singleton. Other changes include saving for simultaneous college tuitions and purchasing extra life insurance policies.
One of the first plans I changed was the decision to find out the gender of our twins, a surprise my husband and I were hoping to save for the delivery room. Finding out you are pregnant with multiples is life-altering, to say the least, and the impact on each family is different.
One twin mom in New Jersey claims the word ‘shocked’ is an understatement when her and her husband found out — just five short weeks after their wedding date — that they were expecting.
“We didn’t expect to get pregnant so fast,” she said. “And during the eight-week ultrasound, we were surprised once again that it was twins. I cried, I laughed, I shook my head. My husband looked thrilled, but I felt like a deer in headlights.”
After the initial shock, the couple was ecstatic. “And then, of course, reality set in,” she said. “We needed two cribs, two car seats — actually four, with two in each car — two pack-n-plays, two high chairs, 800 bottles and tons of formula!”
The couple immediately discussed plans related to daycare, their jobs, and where they were planning to live. “After the twins were born, we had to learn to function as a new family unit.”
Rainbow Babies
Another mom in New Jersey lost a set of twins in a previous pregnancy, and having struggled to conceive, she was thrilled to find out she was having twins. The couple donated a lot of their furniture and possessions to make room for multiples and all their necessities. Her twins were born two months premature, so the family had to adjust quickly.
“Both babies had RSV and received nebulizer treatments every four hours for five months,” she said. So she adjusted her plans and stayed home for their first year. She recently hired help so she could return to work full time.
Finding Out You’re Pregnant with Twins
Finding out about multiple births early in the pregnancy isn’t always the case, and certainly wasn’t common a few short decades ago. In fact, more than 40 years ago, a mom in New York found out that she was having twins on the delivery table just after her first identical twin son was born.
“It was quite a shock,” she remembers. “We had picked only one name: Benjamin. We kept trying out other names every day. My husband insisted we could not leave the hospital until we had another name.”
Her parents were in town to help with what they thought was going to be one newborn baby. Instead, those grandparents found themselves shopping for ‘one more of everything’ to prepare the household for twins.
Another mom in New Jersey found out she was having twins just a month before delivery. “Needless to say, we needed to do a lot of shuffling around,” she said.
Jill, who lives in Maine, found out at 18 weeks gestation, when she had a barely one-year-old already at home.
“There was a lot of shock, prep and organizing in a short period of time,” Jill said. “I imagined it would be busier and take us more time to get out of the house, but otherwise I was naive.” She admits she didn’t know how the twins were going to affect their family.
“It took us an hour to get out of the house,” she said. “So our expectations of how much we could do in a day drastically changed. Beyond having to purchase a new car, own three cribs and reduce travel for work, much of that first year was just embracing the chaos of three kids under two. It was key to find the humor in it all!”
When Multiples Don’t Change Your Plans Right Away
Therese learned during her first ultrasound that they were having twins. However, she was told that one was very small and may not survive.
“After about three months, it looked like the small twin was here to stay,” said Theresa, who underwent five attempts at in vitro to conceive the twins. “We were happy, excited and a bit scared that it was twins.”
The couple put an addition on their house to make room for the twins. And they started early preparing their children to expect student loans for college. “If we just had a single child, we would be able to help much more with college tuition,” she said.
The Decision to Stay at Home with Twins
Many moms of multiples never planned to stay at home, yet find themselves doing just that after giving birth to multiples. One mom explains, “I was a teacher at the time, and daycare costs would have been my whole paycheck. I don’t regret the decision to spend the days with my twins. It’s been amazing to be home and watch them grow up!”
Another mom in New Jersey planned to work part time, but even that changed after hearing the news of twins. “I thought of finishing my master’s degree, or going back to school for nursing, but it’s hard to go back after so long,” she said, admitting her career path may be completely different than she previously planned.
Financial Impact of Raising Multiples
Kimberly, who is raising twins and a singleton in New Jersey, agrees the most significant changes involve finances. “The costs of raising multiples can be overwhelming. Double the furniture, supplies, equipment, clothes and shoes. Not to mention diaper and formula costs. Daycare costs alone are double our mortgage payment.”
The same day they learned they were expecting twins, her husband emailed Kimberly real estate listings for bigger houses. But instead of moving, the family came up with plan B: home renovations. They enlarged the kitchen, renovated the dining room and converted the office into the twins’ nursery.
“We struggle every month to pay outrageous daycare costs. And we are on payment plans for 15 different doctor’s bills per month!” she said. “But our home renovations were worth every bit of debt we accrued. When we hear footsteps of three little toddlers, the joy and laughter they share running back and forth and all the room they have to play, we know it’s the best decision we ever made.”
Laurel has two sets of twins four and under. She jokes that they will be forever broke. “We will have four kids needing cars and four kids in college. Having four kids in two years is hard,” Laurel said.
“My husband and I try to stay connected despite having four toddlers constantly needing something.” The couple still has date nights, and they make family time a priority. “Overall, our goals are still exactly the same, they just may take us a little longer,” said Laurel.
Another mom has six-year-old boy/girl twins, along with a set of newborn boy/girl twins. Her and her husband learned of the first set late in the pregnancy, so they had to “scramble to get two of everything,” she said.
Fast forward five years, and she is pregnant again. “I was so excited. I remember thinking that after twins, a singleton would be a walk in the park. Then we found out it was twins AGAIN!”
When asked about his mom’s pregnancy, her oldest son told a teacher at school, “My mom only has them in pairs.”
Raising Twins Often Means Plans Change for the Better
Most of us parents of multiples may not have planned to have our kids in pairs, but as the saying goes, ‘life is what happens to us while we’re busy making other plans.’
by Sara Barr
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