Day: May 27, 2025

By Sara Barr
Media and Publications Vice President

One of the biggest challenges of growing your family is ensuring everyone gets attention. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Much of it depends on your older child’s age, personality and level of independence. However, taking steps to prepare your child/ren for the new arrival will go a long way in your success.

Whether you have a singleton and are expecting twins, triplets or more, or you have twins and are expecting a sibling (or another set of multiples!), these same tips will apply.

Remember that your excitement will be contagious, particularly with younger kids. Kids under 2 years old may not understand much in advance, but they do understand routines, so establishing a few daily routine tasks that can continue after the new babies arrive will be huge to a young sibling. Many toddlers and preschoolers feel closely attached to their parents — and aren’t yet masters of sharing — so extra attention paid to them will go a long way. Young school-age kids may love new responsibilities and feeling helpful, so include them in as many caregiving tasks as you can. Read more age-specific information from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Give Them Lots of Notice
Share the news that they’ll be a big sibling as early as you feel comfortable. Make sure they understand that babies can be loud and it’s normal for them to cry. A lot! Using age-appropriate language, help them understand that caring for babies takes a lot of time and effort. Discuss the things your older child can do for himself that babies can’t do for themselves. This is a great way to brag about what a big kid they’ve become.

Expect lots of emotions — positive and negative — once the babies come home. The early weeks could be the toughest time for all of you, but things will settle down.

And if you need to move an older sibling from the crib into a toddler bed, do that as early as possible so they don’t associate the change with the arrival of the new babies, which could make them resentful. On a similar note, try not to time other big changes or disruptions, such as a new school, at the same time as the babies’ arrival.

Explain to older kids that a baby has different needs and may require more attention, but that doesn’t mean you love them more.

Set Up a New Routine, While Keeping Some Normalcy
Identify your child’s favorite activities, and try to maintain those after the babies arrive. Introduce some new routines during pregnancy — special time together that you can continue after the delivery. Perhaps it’s time spent with grandparents or a fun playdate with a neighbor’s child or other friend. The point is to ensure that every aspect of the sibling’s day isn’t completely changed and new to them after the babies are born. Once the babies arrive, remind the older sibling that they picked out that toy, or that book, or those crib sheets. This will go a long way in making them feel involved.

Make Them Feel Special for Helping — And Just for Being Themselves
Allow your older child or children to make as many decisions as possible. For example, let them be part of the discussion about naming the babies (even if you don’t let them actually pick the name). Let them pick out toys, clothing, nursery décor and baby books.

Find a children’s book about becoming a big brother or big sister. If you take a walk after the babies arrive, let your older sibling choose the route. Let them pick the babies’ clothes and pajamas some days. If they welcome new tasks, find ways to allow them to help. Some kids don’t and could resent the new responsibilities — you know your child best.

Your child will see a lot of new things gifted for the babies, so buy something special for the older sibling and give it to them the day the babies are born. This serves as a distraction (nothing better than playing with a new toy, right?) and it also makes them feel special to receive a gift. Along those same lines, consider buying several small toys or new books to give the older sibling on days you’re really struggling to keep them entertained while caring for newborns. Remember that more than anything they want your time and attention, but life with newborns will keep you busy so have these new distractions ready to use when you need them.

Allow your child to play with a baby doll (or two or three!). Play is a great way for children to process emotions and learn new words and skills. You can use this opportunity to teach them how to hold a baby, feed with a bottle — and perhaps change a diaper, depending on their age! At the very least, they’ll learn the concept of diaper-changing, so they can help you by getting diapers and wipes when you need them. Be sure they understand that, while they can’t hurt their doll, real-life babies can be fragile and need gentle handling. Once the baby arrives, the older sibling can use the doll to mimic your care (feeding, diaper changing, pushing in a stroller, etc.).

If your older child watches TV, be on the lookout for episodes of their favorite shows that feature younger siblings. Talk to them in a positive way about what it means to be a big brother or big sister.

Arrange for Help in Advance
If you’re adding multiples to the family after already having other children, you’ll definitely need help. Have a plan in place in case you are put on bed rest and for the days you’re in the hospital.

Some of the best advice I got when expecting twins was to accept help when it is offered and be specific in how others can help. Laundry. Dishes. Carpools. Meals. These needs aren’t obvious to other people in the same way they are obvious to you. People genuinely want to help, so let them!

Talk with friends and family about the importance of doting on the older child during their visits. Close friends and family may bring a gift for the older sibling to a baby shower or visit after the babies arrive.

Prepare the older child for what to expect when mom goes to the hospital. Make sure they understand you’ll be away from home for a few days. Will other family members take care of them? Will they be able to visit mom and babies in the hospital? If so, keep the babies in the bassinet or allow others to hold the newborns so you can give the older sibling extra attention while they’re there.

Acknowledge Their Feelings
It’s likely your oldest will, at times, feel jealous and resentful. Being a good listener during those moments is important. Acknowledge their feelings as valid. This will go a long way in satisfying their need for your attention.

Expect a Few Setbacks
It’s normal for older siblings to regress once a younger sibling (or two or three!) arrive. Sleep, potty training, feeding themselves and other measures of newfound independence often change course. The more you can help the oldest sibling feel a part of the growing family and special in their own right, the fewer setbacks and behavioral issues they may experience. But when it happens, understand that it’s perfectly normal and you, as a parent, haven’t done anything wrong. The child isn’t doing it on purpose, either, so try to be understanding and patient with them. If they want to do baby-like things, remember that it’s just their way of trying to get your attention.

Reassure them that they are just as important and just as loved as the newborns. If possible, set aside just a few minutes alone with the older sibling once the babies arrive. Perhaps continue giving them a bath, eating breakfast together or reading a bedtime story — a few minutes of focused attention each day will go a long way in making them feel loved.